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Steve Braunias: The Secret Diary of … Donald Trump

OPINION:

MONDAY

Washington has never looked so beautiful. The fake news media want to try and say bad things about business owners boarding up their premises with plywood in anticipation of election rioting but plywood, as you know, is an engineered wood from the manufactured boards family, which also includes particle board. It’s made from thin plies of veneer glued together in alternating right angles to create a cross-grain pattern. And so when we look at Washington, what we’re looking at is the beauty and resilience of American plywood.
It will withstand the left-wing militia. It will withstand anarchy and chaos.By the way, the leading American manufacturer of plywood, Boise Cascade, recorded sales of $1.6 billion for the third quarter ended September 30, 2020, compared with sales of $1.3 billion this time last year. Another success story that the fake news media don’t want you to know about.

You know, we had the virus from China, but we found a way to live with it, and all you have to do is look around at all the plywood. It might not be bad idea to paint the stars and stripes on a length of plywood and fly it from a flagpole but maybe it would warp in the sun, I don’t know. But we have made American plywood great again.

TUESDAY

Once this is all over, and we win by a landslide, which we will, just wait and see, then I think it would be a very good idea if we collected all that plywood in Washington and took it down to the Mexico border and found a way of using it to reinforce the steel and concrete wall.

By the way, we have built 15 miles of the wall in the last four years, as well as 350 miles of replacement wall, with 221 miles under construction and 157 miles in pre-construction. We said, “Build a wall!” And that’s what we did and that’s what we’re doing. But you don’t read about that. You only read about the things I say, not the things I’ve done.

WEDNESDAY

I want to thank the millions and millions of American people who voted for us tonight but a very sad group of even more millions and millions of American people are ruining it for everybody except themselves.

We won Florida. We won Texas. We won Georgia. We won Arizona and Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. California, we won California, too. We won the Super Bowl and the Oscar and the Grammy and the meat raffle down at the pub but the way things are going we’re not going to have a sausage, and it’s due to the actions of millions and millions of people who I understand are not Americans.

THURSDAY

I WON THE ELECTION AND YOU CAN MEASURE THE STRENGTH OF MY CONVICTION AND LEVEL OF SANITY IN THESE CAPITAL LETTERS.

FRIDAY

I won. Okay? I’m not moving. I’m not leaving. I’m boarding up the White House. The doors, the windows. Seal it in. Put up the barricades. You think I won’t? It’s not what I say, it’s what I do. Let’s make American plywood great again, again.

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